O Hay There, Japan.: 女心と秋の空

"A woman's heart and autumn weather."

I came across this quote while reading for one of my classes. Both a woman's heart and autumn weather are fickle, prone to change easily, especially when it comes to love. I can say that this phrase aptly describes my experience in Japan. No, not just the weather, though the persisting over-70 degree temperature has thrown this girl, who's grown up in New England and is used to the seasons changing like clockwork, for a loop. I hate to admit that the fear that's been lingering in the back of my mind has finally come to light.

Yes, the honeymoon is over. Japan has--dare I say it?--become stale.

No longer do its quirks fascinate me; instead, they've become horribly annoying. The lack of trash cans ("You mean I have to carry this smelly thing around in my bag!?!"), the amount of Japanese girls in absurdly high heels (Just stop.), the constant squealing of "Heeee!" or "mAji dEeEeeeeE??" or "Sugoiiiii!" (At least one half of all conversations consist of such.) I could go on, but for brevity's sake, I won't.

I guess what attracted me to Nanzan is what irks me the most. Yes, the campus is swarming with Japanese people my age. Hundreds of potential friends, right? The truth is, only a small percentage of those seem eager to mix with us gaijin. And within that small percentage, I think it's safe to say that most of them--girls--are looking for gaijin boyfriends. The first couple of weeks were filled with events welcoming the international students. International Friendship Club, Coffee Hour, English Speaking Society. No matter what name they go by, such groups are exclusively girls. I've only gone to one of these events (if you've been to one, you've been to all of them), and counted only 2 Japanese guys in attendance, The guys here are just so shy it's not even funny. I kind of want to sit at a table full of guys in the dining hall and see if they actually do explode from the shock of not only a gaijin sitting with them, not only a black gaijin sitting with them, but a black gaijin who's a GIRL sitting with them. I wouldn't be surprised if my theory is proven correct.

The reason I'm so eager to make friends with a more diverse group of Japanese people, ok Japanese guys, is not to snag myself a hot Japanese guy, but just for more Japanese practice. I hate to say it, but there have been some days where I've forgotten that I'm in this crazy land called Japan. It's so easy to shut yourself in the dorm and do things you could easily be doing back home and forget that you're NOT in a country where those few Japanese people you see are not merely decoration, but the majority. While hanging out with the other international students is fun, the fact that I'm using English most of the time is bad news for my Japanese.

My Japanese ability has decayed, simply from lack of use. I suppose I should talk about academics now. I had hoped to place into IJ600, the highest level of Japanese offered this semester, but ended up in IJ500. I was disappointed, especially because my classmates from Sun, Ohta and Rewon, placed into IJ600. That only cemented my determination to place into 600. After taking another test, Okada-sensei, one of the IJ600 teachers, said I had passed, but just barely ("girigiri"). She said if I had entered I would be one of the weakest in the class. I had come out of the summer being able to conduct a conversation with ease and confidence, but was reduced to sputtering and choking at the simplest utterance. I was at my lowest after my first day in the 600 class. A lot of people have been studying Japanese for years, compared to my 2, and are nearly fluent as a result.

I was so intimidated that I hardly talked in class for the first couple of weeks. It's only now that I've gotten comfortable enough to voluntarily offer an opinion. Though, this fragile confidence was only shaken on Monday. Okada-sensei held an appointment with me, because it was the halfway point of the semester. She made me aware of the fact that I hardly incorporate complicated patterns when I speak. I've realized that it has to do with the fundamental way I learn Japanese. There's a difference between reading/listening something and understanding the basic meaning and reading/listening something and actually internalizing how it's constructed. She gave me some tips and I'm determined to follow them.

It's crazy to think the semester is halfway over. I've been trying to do things that get me outside the Nanzan bubble. When I'm bored, I think about home, and when I think about home, I get sad, which is definitely not good. I got a job teaching a bunch of 2-year-olds English. When I say teach, I mean sing and dance and read them stories. It's only an hour a week, but it's an activity that gets me out of the bubble, and that's good enough for me. It wouldn't hurt to make more of an effort, be it exploring a new part of town or making more plans with my Japanese friends.

I'm back in Tokyo for the 6-day vacation. Coming here fills me with that warm, fuzzy feeling of nostalgia. It's funny how I happy I felt hearing the nasal but familiar voice of the announcer as I rode the Oedo line. I can't wait to see the buddies and my host family. Though it's bittersweet at times being back because I think about my Sun Academy classmates as I walk by a familiar place. I'm so tempted to resent Nagoya, simply because I'm not having as much fun there as I did in Tokyo, but I've realized that the people that you're with is a large part of what makes any experience.

I hope my time here will rejuvenate me and allow me to return to Nagoya with more energy to get out of this funk.

No blog post is complete without pictures!

During my first weekend out in Nagoya. Ohta and I were at an izakaya, and saw a fish in the tank. We were overcome with the urge to eat it, so we ordered it. Here's the poor fish getting cut =[ But it was yummy!